So, you’ve either scheduled your first therapy session or you’re considering scheduling it. What now? It is completely normal to feel nervous about your first session, especially if it is the first time you’ve ever been to therapy. My hope is that this post will help you feel more at ease about your first appointment by letting you know what to expect – what kinds of questions will be asked of you, what kinds of questions should you ask, will my therapist be judging me, how will I know if it’s a good fit, etc.
We want you to be comfortable.
Every therapist is different, and each has their own unique way of handling an initial session. For almost all therapists, the main goal of the first session is to get to know you and to establish a trusting, positive relationship with you. We want you to feel comfortable, and we want to learn about you and work together with you to find ways we can help you.
Your therapist will likely ask you about why you are seeking therapy and will ask about information about your current situation and your background. You do not have to answer any questions you don’t feel comfortable with – and we will not get offended if you say you’d prefer not to answer. You may have time to start discussing specific goals you’d like to work on, but if not, that can wait until the second session also.
Your therapist may describe different treatment methods to you that might be used, whether it be Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), or any other type of method they offer. You are welcome to ask any questions about different approaches that you may have heard about that you think might be helpful for you.
You are also encouraged to ask any questions you want that might help make you feel more comfortable with your therapist. Some suggestions of questions include:
- How long have you been doing therapy?
- What type of therapy do you think would be best for my situation?
- Do you think you can help me with my issues?
- Have you worked with other clients that have experienced something similar?
- Is what I’m experiencing normal?
- How often should we meet?
- What should I do between now and our next session?
We have heard everything, I promise.
Two common things I hear during the first session are “I feel like I just threw up all my stuff on you” and “I really didn’t want to cry”. First, we want you to “throw up all your stuff” on us. That is a perfect first session – get it all out, and we’ll sort through everything when you’re done. Second, if you’ve waited a while to schedule a session you probably have a lot on your mind and a lot going on. It is normal and healthy to cry, the majority of clients do cry during the first session, and we will not judge you at all for it.
I also hear a lot of my clients say things like “you must think I’m crazy” or express concern about being judged for some of the things they discuss. I want you to know, that as therapists, we have heard EVERYTHING. It takes a lot to shock a therapist, and we are not judging you. Our job is to help you, and that is where our main focus stays. We have taken an oath of confidentiality, and you can rest assured that we take that oath very seriously and will not discuss any of your issues/secrets/mistakes with anyone outside of our sessions without your permission.
Is it the right fit?
Taking the first step to schedule and have your first session is very courageous move. You are not going to feel a connection with every therapist you see – that is a fact. You will not hurt our feelings if you let us know that it wasn’t a good fit for you or if you choose not to schedule again. We want you to get the help you need and may even be able to provide you with some referrals for a different therapist that may be more aligned with what you’re looking for. After your first appointment, it’s helpful to reflect on the session and ask yourself some questions about your experience with your therapist. Here are some examples:
- Do you feel like you could tell your therapist anything – if not right away, eventually?
- Did your therapist make you feel comfortable and safe when you were expressing your feelings?
- Did you feel like your therapist was engaged and actively listening to you?
- Did you feel heard?
- How did you feel afterward – relieved, anxious, better, worse?
- Was the therapist able to answer all of your questions?
- Are you looking forward to going back for your next appointment, or dreading it?
If it just didn’t feel right, consider meeting with a different therapist to see if there is a stronger connection. I know it may be discouraging if you have to try a few different therapists before you find someone you connect with. Try to focus on the endgame and remember that this investment of time and energy is ultimately to help you get to a happier, healthier, and more peaceful version of yourself, and that you deserve it.
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